Communication Techniques and Therapeutic Listening Exercise

Lately I've had some friends tell me that they want exercise in nuanced listening, or emotional reading. Some friends have also expressed that they are struggling with a relationship, particularly with communication. 

It all starts from listening and really tuning in.

This is something I learned from the psych class I took Spring semester 2014.
I don't want to forget this skill of therapeutic listening and communication techniques because it improved my relationships with everyone at the time when I was consciously practicing the skill. I still need to practice. So, to help me recall what I've learned, I'm going to summarize it and share it with you today.
It's a useful technique to practice with family members and strangers alike, helps to resolve communication problems, improve relationships, and grow as a human being--listen deeply to what isn't stated.

STEP 1: LIMIT YOURSELF TO THESE THERAPEUTIC TECHNIQUES
Accepting EX: "It makes sense you feel that way" "That's understandable
Translate words into feelings EX: I'm way out in the ocean -->"You seem to feel lonely"
Encourage expressions of feelings EX: What are your feelings about that?"
Making Observations EX: "You sound angry" "You seem tense"
Validating perceptions EX: "This is what I heard you say...Is that right?
Verbalize the implied EX: Are you feeling no one understands?
Silence (With Empathy)
Active Listening (Be aware of your posture/nonverbal cues)
Brief Disclosure followed by return to client's issues
Broad Openings EX: What would you like to talk about today?
Clarifying EX: I'm not sure I understand...Help me to understand?
Encourage Comparison EX: Have you had similar experience before?
Focusing EX: Let's foucs on your feelings rather than your husbands"
Forming a plan of action EX: How might you handle it differently in the future?
Offering self EX: I'm interested in what you think.
Open ended questions EX: Tell me about your family
Paraphrasing EX: So far we've discussed...
Reflecting EX: I think I should tell her BETTER: Do you think you should tell her?
Voicing Doubt EX: "I'm not sure that's possible. From my experience..."

STEP 2: AVOID!!! AVOID!! NONTHERAPEUTIC TECHNIQUES
Agreeing/Disagreeing EX: You made the right decision.Better: "How do you feel about it?
All knowing EX: I understand how you feel Better: It makes sense you feel that way.
Belittling Expressed feelings EX: Everybody gets down in the dump sometimes BETTER: You seem upset. Tell me.."
Challenging EX: You didn't mean to say that! BETTER: You must have been upset to say that!
Changing the topic EX: I don't have anything to live for-->STAY with the feeling/explore
Close ended questions
Defending EX: Nobody would lie to you. BETTER: Let's clarify
Giving advice EX: "I think you should" BETTER: What do you think you could do?
Giving approval/disapproval
Imposing personal values
Inappropriate self disclosure EX: When someone tells you their story, you tell them a worse personal story. BETTER: No disclosure, translate words into feelings
Leading question EX: Do you drink because you're depressed BETTER: Tell me what you're feeling when you need a drink
Parroting EX: Frequently repeating what someone is saying to a point of annoyance
Patronizing EX: Come on honey, eat this. This is yummy food. BETTER: May I help you with your meal?
Probing EX: Tell me how you feel about your mother now that she's dead
Rejecting EX: I dont want to hear about that. BETTER: Let's look at it a little more closely
Requesting an explanation EX: Why did you do that? BETTER: Tell me about your feelings before that happened
Cliches/Stereotyped comments EX: Everything will be fine BETTER: This was really bad news
Using denial EX: Of course you're somebody. Everyone is! BETTER: You're feeling that no one cares?

STEP 3: RECORD THE CONVERSATION PROCESS-->Spend a few hours going through the conversation. Look at the conversation and analyze the verbal/non-verbal cues and give yourself points for when you use only Therapeutic Listening. Also analyze when and why you used nontherapeutic listening and Avoid it next time.

ADDITIONAL USEFUL STEPS: To begin to understand where someone else is in the continuum of human experiences, look over Erikson's psychosocial stages. Here's a handy dandy chart.
Finally, you're ready to start classifying disorders. Invest in DSM-V. You'll start diagnosing everyone. Literally, everyone!

REFERENCES:
Grim, T.(2014). N477--Psychiatric Mental Health Concepts for Broad Clinical Application. UNC-Chapel Hill.